#this has genuinely been bothering me and I frankly have no idea what to do

[inkblackorchid]

es war gut dich zu sehen 🤗 quick question tho, have you considered splitting Embers into two parts - roughly 150k words each - if it's possible plot-wise, or the story only works as a cohesive one-piece? not concered about the lenght, more of a general-type musing

Ach, danke dir!

And well. Yes and no. I have actually considered splitting Embers, just not in two parts, but in three. Structure-wise, if I were to split it at all, that would work best due to the way the plot works. The thing that's stopping me though is that I'm terrified I'll put something in an earlier chapter that ends up no longer working with the later ones and will find out three fourths into the fic that I would need to set up something in the first third to make a scene work. Embers' outline has really been a beast of its own so I unfortunately can't guarantee this wouldn't happen, even though the temptation to actually split the thing and give it to y'all in three acts is growing by the day. I miss uploading. But yeah, I'm unfortunately very concerned doing this might bite me in the ass (and similarly concerned that not doing it might also bite me in the ass, which is just fantastic). There's also the slight concern that having to split my attention between editing the previous chapters and writing the future ones might also hurt the process. So uh... I have considered it. Those considerations just give me mild anxiety.

Since I'm answering this question I may as well put out a bit of a call for Opinions TM by people on here as for what to do about this conundrum here. Don't wanna make this a poll yet bc that feels too final. Maybe I will eventually. But yeah, thoughts would be appreciated so I could get a feel for whether this would be a good idea.

[absolutebl]

10 BLs That Shook Me

@trribledelight asked for "BLs that made you think or learn smthg or shook you culturally? Eg the political considerations in Not Me..."

Let's get the rough ones out of the way first, shall we?

1 2gether

Green. One of the most egregious reps for punching down humor against femmes in BL (and there sure are a lot out there). Seriously GMMTV? Must you?

At the time we all watched this because there wasn't anything else to watch, and it's been a long time since I bothered with a rewatch, but Green is one of the reasons I just can't with this series.

I'm not knocking the actor, but the character and how the other characters behave around him, and the director with regard to this aspect of the plot and portrayal was rough going.

What shook me was how casually homophobic 2g was. It was just so odd to watch a gay romance gloss over and degrade queerness. I was like, wait, aren't they supposed to me on our side?

(Ah, the before times.)

2 Fish Upon the Sky

Shall we address the head wrap in the room? This BL has some of the most shockingly racist content I've seen in a long time. Also punching down humor. I fast forwarded through it and I still don't want to think about it. GMMTV should be throughly ashamed of themselves... Again. I was shook, but in a bad way.

Okay, now for the ones that shook me in a good way.

3 Until We Meet Again

I watched this early in my Thai BL journey (while it was airing) and I had no idea what to expect. Frankly, you could watch it now and still not know. It's just very unusual for a Thai BL.

The plot twist about how they each ended up reborn. Just so brilliant. I still can't get over it. So simple. SO CLEVER. So punishing for the families.

Fantastic!

4 Secret Crush On You

This one kinda shook me all along but that Daisy & Touch scene. It lives on in my head rent free forever. Just because it was so beautifully sweet and genuine and kindly towards a femme character.

I still don't like this BL.

But I love that scene in it.

5 My Beautiful Man

I went on a JOURNEY with this show. Mostly because I didn't think Japan had it in them to land something this complex. But they managed it beautifully by not shying away from the delicious messy ugliness of it all.

Possibly the greatest final episode in all BL.

And from Japan. Usually so bad at endings.

I remain gobsmacked.

6 Unknown

I shouldn't have been shooketh by this one but I really was.

The style of it while staying so down home and gritty.

How old school Chinese BL it felt yet it still managed to be very modern BL about it.

The execution and quality of the acting.

How it was aired (available in YouTube?! we NEVER get that from Taiwan!)

Also the pair branding. We haven't gotten this level of pair brand from the leads in a Taiwanese BL since SamYu.

I'm was absolutely riveted by everything about this show and its production.

I loved seeing it. I hope we get more BLs like this from Taiwan as a result.

But I ALSO hope they realize that a big factor in the popularity and the success of this show was in distribution.

It's what's for dinner.

Along with the stepbrother trope.

KOREA'S SUPRISES

I watch a lot of Kdramas as well as BL, and have done for a really long time. I'm riveted by Hallyu, from an entertainment industry perspective (what I wouldn't do to get my hands on some of their proprietary data). I also listen to a ton of Kpop.

Therefore, Korea dominates the P'ABL gets shooketh list because I had (and have) more expectations firmly in place around Korea's media product sfyle than anyone elses. Even before they started to make a big play into the BL scene.

My favorite BLs from Korea, like Semantic Error and Light on Me are EXACTLY what I expect from them, manufactured perfection. But I was also shook more times by Korea than other BL nations because I had such rigid expectations.

7 Color Rush

Yeah yeah. But it starred an idol. It started out pretty and stiff and everything I was expecting and then the concept hit me up side the head and I never recovered from the CLEVER of this show. I'm not used to my Kdramas or my BL being this high concept and SMART about their sanitized perfection.

8 Blueming

What with the 8th Sense and others since, Blueming seems to have been somewhat forgotten about. But at the time, I was shook by the down home grit of this show. By the actual pain from the characters. By the higher heat concept. By Korea actually going THERE.

And then these babies came along...

9 The 8th Sense

I just didn't think Korea had it in them. Yes, I realize now that it was a bit navel gazey, and we were weighted heavily towards the seme and his pain. I would have liked a better balance between the leads, but that's in retrospect.

At the time I couldn't believe it. A KBL dealing with mental health?

And can we talk about those sex scenes? How insanely comfortable the actors were with each other? How easy in each other's personal space? I've not seen anything else quite like that from Korea. It's super rare. I had assumed they, culturally, just didn't do casual intimacy, or if they did, it wasn't allowed on screen.

Of course now I know the CAN do it, I want more.

10 Love for Love's Sake

Okay, lots to unpack with this one. A genuine isakai BL, in the original sense of the term. The death twist didn't shake me up, but the execution, acting, open gayness, and a couple other things did. Enough to make me still think on this show with fond surprise and affection, despite its undercurrent of darkness.

I like to be shooketh.

(source)

[salcreus]

One of the things that affected me a lot this year was my pure inability to draw anything. I posted 5 whole drawings this year. It was embarrassing me to the point where i really ignored Tumblr for a while, and I genuinely felt like I was a fraud of sorts; you aren’t an artist, you aren’t doing anything! Look at all those WIPS that sit abandoned! Each time someone asked me if I’ve been drawing, it was like they were poking me with sticks to get a move on! Even Having to turn on my drawing tablet felt like a chore, with its intimidating big screen. (It was also easy to just fall into different, easily rewarding distractions/slop as a replacement)

So I slowly kind of just… accepted that I didn’t like to draw anymore. I had my fun, I could look back on the achievements I’ve hit, but I just didn’t have more it in me. I’ll simply live being a fraud.

And yet, between november/december, and quite frankly during a really bad mental health crisis, I was capable of doing several pages per day full of drawings, sometimes full on scenes and pages and filled with so many details, of my characters and my friends and sometimes the thing i was watching at the time, and- It’s impossible to ignore other possibilities. That maybe it wasn’t my inability to draw that was at play here, but yes my reluctance to do so if it wasn’t meant for fandom. If I had an idea for an original character, I should not bother to draw it, or post it, now start thinking of something you can do that is popular.

Do I think that having only works of art that were part of bigger media get recognized might be part of why I felt that way? Yeah, absolutely. Do I think that my previous success has hindered my perception of my own art worth now that it doesn’t hit as many numbers? Of course! (I’ve seen the tiktok edits of my animatics, I know what you are)

But this text isn’t trying to be a valiant critique towards social media, it’s more about simply having to come to terms with the fact that. Girl who gaf. Post those OCs and those half done sketches and those proportions-isnt-quite-rights. Post something that makes you happy. And post those 3 am words! And those crooked photographies! And odd sounding songs. The only standard that is holding you down is your own. Please find the strength to lift that bar above your head so that the world is a little more colorful with your presence in it.

[teddywesworl]

write what you want forever censorship is an insidious evil kill the cop in your head and so on but also. frankly. get comfortable with the idea that if you write about (a life experience) without any knowledge, insight, or research done into that thing, people with that experience irl won’t like what you’ve made and may even talk to their friends about how they don’t like it

putting this under a read more bc I don’t want it reblogged bc people on twt got mad at me for saying basically this but like listen. I’m not gonna harass individual authors bc they didn’t bother looking up an Indiana harvest calendar before writing a stranger things farm au. Or they clearly didn’t bother asking literally anyone with horse experience to beta their cowboy au. Obviously. Like who gives a shit, really. Do what you want. Your factually nonsensical farm/cowboy au doesn’t really affect my life. But I AM going to be annoyed if a fic is super popular or comes highly recommended and it gets a million details wrong that would have been easily caught by 10 minutes of googling, and that’s my right, too!!!! And also it’s your right!!! Kvetch in your friends’ DMs, it’s good for you

I’ve seen a few versions of the sentiment “I’m a hater because I love this thing and I want it to be better” floating around recently and that’s what it comes down to in the end. Fic can be really good. it doesn’t have to be “just fanfic.” I really really like when someone has obviously put in the extra effort and gone the extra mile to make a genuine art object. There are some big name fics I disproportionately dislike bc they have not bothered at all. One day I’ll be able to put all my thoughts together cohesively about this paradox of “do what you want forever but also take your audience seriously or so help me” but tbh I think it really comes down to the fact that I love the medium of fanfic and I want it to be good and when it’s not good in lazy ways it feels like disrespect to the audience, to me.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

can I please have a dark chocolate Number 20 with Wyper please

Yandere Wyper x GN!Reader

846 words

Prompt:

I wanted to get something that reminded me of you. The problem is that everything reminds me of you.

You’ve known Wyper to be many things. Violent, fiercely convicted, stoic, and perhaps a touch irrational at times. It was true that he did care about other Shandians, he just went about showing that in his own way. This has never bothered you. You grew up with him, you knew that this was just who he was and to not take his standoffish nature personally.

When someone consistently acts the same for years and years, you don’t really expect to see a change at any point. At least not a major one. That all changed one day when Wyper approached you out of the blue and held out his clenched fist to you. Confused, you held out your hands, presuming he wanted you to hold something for him. He opened his fist, letting the necklace that was hiding inside fall into your hands, and then promptly walked away without saying a word.

Genuinely, you had been at a loss for words. Of all the things you’ve seen him do, you’ve never witnessed him to be the type to give gifts. It was odd to see, but you shrugged it off as some weird one time thing. Maybe he accidentally picked up the piece of jewelry and passed it off to you to get rid of it. That made sense.

Wyper would then go out of his way to poke holes in your idea. He brought you more and more items, seemingly completely random. Frankly, you didn’t know what half of this stuff was. If you had to guess, you would assume it came from the Blue Sea, but that came with more sinister implications. Maybe he just found the stuff lying around, but you knew the more realistic answer was that he’d forcibly taken it from any ships that came here from the Blue Sea. This would be further confirmed when you started finding flecks of blood on his gifts.

Just like the first time, he never said anything to you. He would drop it in your hands and leave with no explanation. No one else knew what to make of it either, beyond a couple of people joking around that Wyper had a crush. Even then, you could tell they weren’t being serious. The mere concept of Wyper having a crush was completely absurd.

Raki was the one exception. She was the only other person that was bothered by his strange actions. She wouldn’t go so far as to tell you to avoid him, but she did advise you to be careful. Wyper was a volatile man, it’s best not to test him, she told you. 

But you couldn’t let it go anymore. You needed to know why he was doing this and where he was getting all of this stuff from. Today, you decided to confront him the next time he came by to give you your daily gift. Whether or not Wyper would actually answer you was certainly up for debate, but you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. 

The familiar footsteps of Wyper approach you from the side. You glance over and see what appears to be an article of clothing clutched in his hand. When he extends his hand to you, you quickly reach out and latch onto his arm to keep him from leaving like he usually does. His eyes widen by a fraction, but he otherwise doesn’t react.

“Why do you keep doing this?” Is the first thing you blurt out. You shake your head and try to clarify, “Why do you keep bringing me all these things? And where are you getting them from?”

For a long, intense moment, nothing is said. You’re left standing there staring at him pleadingly, desperately hoping for an answer. Wyper’s eyes bore into you. Nothing about his expression gives so much as a clue to what he’s thinking. His cigarillo rolls in his mouth as he grinds his teeth.

“I wanted to get something that reminded me of you. The problem is that everything reminds me of you.”

“Wha… What?” His response did nothing but raise more questions.

“I wanted to give you things that reminded me of you.” Wyper pauses and looks down at the clothing clenched in his fist, “But everything makes me think of you. I can’t get you out of my mind. It’s like a sickness.”

He takes your stunned silence as a cue to keep talking, “You make it hard to do what I need to. I hate it… But I don’t hate you.” Wyper’s free hand comes up and locks around your arm, dragging you closer to him. “I only took from people that didn’t deserve to keep what they had. Everything I’ve taken was better off in your hands.”

The article of clothing he had was roughly shoved into your hands, and he broke away from you with ease. He walks away as if nothing happened, leaving you more confused than you were before. You look down at what you’re now realizing is a shirt. With a large, very recent bloodstain on it.

[wanderingblindly]

do you ever read a fic that's so good you wonder why you even bother writing cause it will never be as good as what you just read? cause - and i mean this in the bestest most complimentary way possible - that's how i feel after reading october birds (truly genuinely you are so! so! talented!!!)

but i was just wondering if, as a writer, this is something you've ever felt and - if so - how you motivate yourself to keep writing

Oh my god YEAH I get writer envy all the fucking time -- it's par for the course when you're writing in a space with such an abundance of talent. Every writer I've talked to on here has talked about feeling the same thing at some point, too.

You are so so so far from alone. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's one of the most unifying experiences besides writer's block lol

There are a few ways I deal with this, though none of this advice is even remotely original:

What makes a story impactful isn't just the words

Sometimes I get writer envy on a level of like, feeling jealous over someone's eloquence, their word choice, the sort of maturity and polished-ness they get into their fics. And that's fair! Everyone wants to improve, everyone has styles and pieces they idolize and study from.

But when it comes to getting back into my own ideas, I remind myself that what makes a story isn't just the technicalities. The most beautifully executed novel could still fail to hold my attention if the idea isn't gripping. Hundreds of thousands of words of gorgeous prose and scenery doesn't mean anything to me, personally, if it doesn't make me feel.

What makes your writing special is the fact that you -- with all your unique experiences and perspective -- wrote it. You took the idea and made it your own, and no other person could do it exactly like you did. And that matters! The way you feel emotions, how you choose to show the world to the reader, that matters! You could hand a hundred authors the same outline, and no one would create the same story because none of them have lived the same life, and that's wonderful! All of that, the intangible bits, matters just as much as someone's artfully crafted a sentence -- so never forget that.

It's cruel to use others to belittle yourself

This doesn't just apply to writing, but I have to remind myself that using others to put myself down is, in a way, assuming things about them. Why have I decided that this other author, someone who's writing for fun and love, would look at me and say that they're better? That my writing isn't worth pursuing? Why would I put something so awful on another person who's only ever put good into fandom?

Similarly, why have I decided that the people who read, enjoy, and connect to my writing are, what? Devoid of taste? Dull? Wrong? Jesus, what the fuck have they done for me to think that about people who have only ever been kind?

As dumb as it sounds, I have to reverse bully myself to stop the negative trains of thought. I would never want to make someone out to be cruel in my head, and that means I can't decide my writing isn't worth something by using other people as a scapegoat.

Writing is a progressive skill

Sometimes when I'm struck particularly badly, I go read my old work. Frankly, I don't love a lot of my old stuff in terms of execution -- I always think that I could do it better now. But I love my old work for what it tried to be; I love my old ideas, I love my old characters, I love my old effort and care.

And as I look back at it, I know that if past-Liquid could read my current stuff, they'd be astonished to know they'd get there one day. My writing still isn't perfect, I'm constantly hitting my head up against the limits of my current skill set, but that's the POINT!

Every fic I've ever tried writing has been a step closer to becoming the writer I want to be. Every idea I attempt, even if it seems too difficult at the time to really nail, gives me the experience to do it better one day.

The author you're envious of right now, they had their own journey, too. Maybe they hit the ground running a little faster than you, or maybe they've been writing since before you could even read! You have no way of knowing!!!! All you can do is think about the fact that every time you get knee-deep in your own docs, you're getting better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're getting closer to becoming your own writer envy :)

[buckybarnesss]

I was literally thinking about all the fics where Stiles is like "and then Derek pushed me around 🥺" like... Derek did the steering wheel thing because Stiles made him STRIP FOR A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BOY.

I started to read an article that opened up by criticizing the "physically abusive sterek ship" and backed out immediately, like you people need to remember that the show exists and that is not based in reality.

Pack mom Stiles.... gah. Stiles would never help Isaac with his homework. Derek would!! But Stiles? Hell no.

Stiles is literally a fucking creep. He walks around telling everyone that he loves Lydia. He has no boundaries. I love him that way. He's a snarky little asshole who would definitely just show up in Derek's apartment one day and Derek would be like "how did you get in here?" And then Stiles reveals that he pretended to be a doordash driver with a delivery and then picked the lock on Derek's front door.

fun fact my url before this one was creeperderek. i am fond of that url. he of loitering at tree lines and creepily disappearing into shadows in the boy's locker room for no fucking reason.

stiles does have a lack of boundaries and really intense anxiety about the people he cares about.

he listens to the police scanner regularly and monitors his father's diet due to his intense, almost uncontrollable anxiety about his father. he's terrified his dad will die and has an intense fear it will because of him.

all of that of course stems from his mother's death when he was so, so young and how claudia in her cognitive decline blamed stiles and accused him of trying to kill her.

this anxiety also extends to scott and melissa to various degrees due to their significance to the stability of his life for so long and why he's irrationally scared to tell his father the truth despite knowing if the sheriff understood what was really happening it would help more than hinder.

than there's other things like how he has a copy to the key to the mccall house that melissa isn't aware of and it's made pretty clear that stiles took the imitative. scott didn't give it to him.

scott doesn't seem all that bothered by this but scott is one of the few people who knows and mostly understand stiles. they live in each other's pockets. scott would be oddly touched but also be like bro what in the fuck? because really, stiles what the fuck?

people find that fucking weird and creepy.

it truly wouldn't surprise me at all if stiles had a copy of the loft key and derek knew he did and said nothing about it because these two are weird little freaks that probably have frequently creeped on each other.

we do get indications they speak outside of what we're shown. two little maladjusted bastards sharing one brain cell to creep on each other.

if stiles showed up in derek's loft derek probably wouldn't even be surprised. in fact he'd tell stiles he took longer than expected, peter did it better and he sucked.

it's so funny that fandom developed the idea that derek sneaks into stiles's bedroom all the time via the window and we literally never see this. it never canonically happens. though it's not said how derek got inside in wolf's bane so maybe a window but frankly i find it more plausible derek just, you know, broke in the house via a door.

putting a read more on this because i had a lot to say lol

stiles and lydia. ooh boy.

sentiment within fandom swayed a lot on these two and i've seen the common argument that sterek fans don't like stydia as a paring because it's not gay, or something to which i say lol no. i, personally, don't ship them romantically because for like 2 seasons stiles didn't see her as person and she mostly ignored his entire existence.

he fixated on lydia in the 3rd grade which would've been around the time claudia declined and than passed away. he held onto that crush tightly, put lydia on a pedestal making her more into an ideal than a person.

there's moments where we see them genuinely connect but there's so many scenes between the two of them until like season 3 that are cringe and uncomfortable. my main issue is that lydia never really says much about it either.

it's like until she becomes a real girl to stiles her position doesn't matter even when we see her be uncomfortable or weirded out around stiles.

we actually do see stiles and derek develop boundaries with each other. stiles uses derek to literally queerbait danny in wolf's bane. both derek and danny seem to realize this as it occurs and derek pointedly, purposefully retaliates with violence which isn't great but it makes it clear that derek is not okay with what stiles did and a line had been crossed. s2 has derek also indicate to stiles it's not okay to touch without permission.

remember the finger tippy taps stiles's gives derek when boyd dies? that's stiles having learned derek's physical boundaries over 3 seasons so that he is able to offer him comfort in a awful, terrible moment.

in conclusion derek and stiles aren't abusive and it's odd people latched onto that idea. they're abrasive assholes to each other and lack boundaries in the beginning because their maladjusted people for various reasons while also just being two little freaks about each other.

[pixelephant]

ok long ass paragraphs of nuance time

so i totally get why watcher has made this decision, running a creative business on youtube is difficult because algorithms are fickle and views are SO obviously geared towards just when shane and ryan specifically are in content. they can’t branch out into new ventures and cast members and ideas without taking a huge monetary risk of if people will actually watch the damn thing. so streaming gives them that opportunity because no matter the viewership, they still get that income.

but on the other hand, the lack of diversified content is exactly why im hesitant to pay money for the service. there’s just not much there outside of shane and ryan led shows. don’t get me wrong, love their stuff! but if i’m paying for a service, i’d prefer it to be something i can go to for a variety of things.

it’s a catch 22 imo, can’t diversify without the money, can’t get the money without the content they know gets them the views, and so it goes back and forth ad nauseam. personally, i can’t see myself immediately paying for it, but maybe in a few months time when they have that freedom to actually change up their roster i’d be more interested

okay shifting gears, not to be the guy that compares this to rooster teeth and dropout but im gonna be because people are picking one or the other to support their own argument and its bothering me. "rooster teeth proved this method doesn't work!" not true, they shut down because they were owned by warner brothers, a big media conglomerate that doesn’t care about restructuring something to make it work, only dollar signs (while also not exactly being well known for being the best at handling their money). i still think rt could’ve continued to exist in a different capacity if they had never sold to wb (and didn’t have so many scandals) but i guess we’ll never know.

“dropout proves that this system works!” also not true they offer VERY different kinds of content (game shows, story based stuff like d20, pure improve comedy, etc.) from what watcher is doing, they are not a one to one. also as good as they’re doing now, they’re still kind of recovering from the verge of bankruptcy, trying things out, seeing what works. the system itself is not a guarantee for success.

all this to say i get why some people hate this decision. it’s yet another subscription based service to pay for in a media landscape that is frankly too rife with them. it makes things once free now costly. it puts exciting content behind a paywall that some people genuinely cannot afford.

but the people making the exciting content need stable jobs. the company needs a consistent cash flow to be able to pay their employees and continue making cool and interesting things. they can’t rely on the fickleness of youtube views, algorithm changes, and third party sponsorships at the pace they’re going (which is also part of the problem, they grew to fast and honestly set too high a standard of content from the jump for how early into the company they are but hey let’s not go on yet another tangent).

i think the announcement as a whole could’ve been more successful if it wasn’t hyped up ahead of time and/or if it was a more gradual shift to paid shows than a ripping of the bandaid. i also think essentially saying anyone can afford it for $5/month is a bit insensitive so now people are just grasping onto that instead of discussing the reasons for the change. but saying, “a majority of your audience is broke college students this isn’t the move!” isn’t gonna help or change their decision. i’m sorry but they don’t care. companies are not your friends.

[hirokari]

stupid, stupid face.

p: huang renjun x gn!reader | wc: 0.9k | g: roommate au, best friends to lovers, sliiiight angst, fluff | cw: brief mention of alcohol consumption | a/n: and they were roomates :0 js wanted to finish a short draft ^^

"I have no idea why you're acting like this right now,"

"He was too close, I didn't like him-"

"You don't even know him!"

It's a quarter past 1 in the morning, you and Renjun had just arrived at your shared apartment. Maybe you both had a little too much to drink, but this argument alone was enough to sober you both back.

"So what if I don't know him? It was so obvious he had other motives than just to hug you. Ugh, I could just punch his stupid face. Who the hell just hugs randomly, anyway?"

"Um, you, maybe? Or Haechan-"

"Hyuck is Hyuck! I know him."

Tired, you let out an exasperated sigh, dropping your shoes. "Look, Jun, I'm tired and extremely drained, so why don't we just head to bed, yeah?"

There's a sour look on Renjun's face, and you know he won't let this conversation end just like that. Though he clearly has a lot more to say, he follows behind you bitterly, stalking right after you into the living room.

"Look, Renjun," You say in a soft voice, which makes Renjun's head spin a little (but he'd rather blame it on the alcohol), "If it matters any amount to you, I genuinely don't think we'll see him again. Even if we do, I doubt I'll remember him."

"But... it hasn't been just him. It wasn't just tonight."

Puzzled, you stop in your tracks, turning around to look at him. "I don't understand-- there were other times?"

The look on Renjun's face suggests that he said something he shouldn't have. Wiping a hand across his face, he pauses— as if contemplating something— eyes searching for yours, then looking away when they meet.

"Renjun, what is it? What are you trying to say?" You ask, hand wrapping around his free wrist.

Your roommate is not the type of person to keep things from you-- you assume it's because he doesn't bother the effort, but really it's because he feels he can tell you everything-- so whatever he has to hide, it's something he hides from everyone.

Correction: it's something so obvious to everyone... except you.

"Renjun," You say, voice slightly upbraiding. At that, he folds. The boy holds his hands up in a sign of defeat, "Fine, fine! But what I'm about to tell you is frankly crazy, and I need you to stay calm. Stay calm!"

"You stay calm!"

"I'm trying!"

You really, really don't understand. What could possibly be so bad to the point where the cool-headed, calm Renjun that doesn't give a shit about his roommate does acts as stressed as he is now?

Renjun collects his thoughts and breathes slow, still letting you hold his wrist because believe it or not, it is giving him the slightest bit of comfort. He shifts his hand, fitting it into yours as he finally builds up the courage to look back at you.

"Y/N, the past year of being your roommate can't compare to what I've experienced the past 20 years of my life. It's really... ridiculous how much of my life you can change-- or did change." As he explains, Renjun can't help the small bashful smile that tugs on his lips when he sees you visibly stunned (in a good way).

"You've gone... on a lot of dates. And I've watched you come back every night. Sometimes you aren't really that fazed, and you're more excited to watch a movie or share a plate of take-out pasta with me than you are about the date. And, I guess, you gave me hope.

Hope for any chance that I am, by any means, better than the guys you've been seeing. And then you leave for another date on another night and I'm left in this really, really empty apartment feeling really, really lonely." The boy lets out exasperated huffs, fervent about the topic-- as if he'd been rehearsing this before.

Renjun looks straight into your eyes: but it's more than that. He looks past your flaws and sees your soul, raw and pure; he looks at the memories you'd shared with him in this small apartment, none of them a dull moment; he looks at all the stupid ideas you'd shared together about decorating the walls with graffiti, or hanging gummy worms up on the ceiling fan.

"Bottom line is: I'm insanely in love with you, Y/N," Says Renjun in a slight laugh, nervous and fidgety.

"What?" Your hands slip out of his, and his stomach falls. "Are you- are you serious?" Your voice suggests a small tone of relief, but you don't dare show it in the fear of this being some huge prank. But Renjun nods slowly, eyes growing more wary at the lack of a definitive answer from you.

"Renjun, the reason I've been going to all those dates was to get my mind off... of you."

The boy's eyes widen, mouth falling agape as he leans forward, taking your hands in his in a tight grip. "Are you kidding? Please don't tell me you're kidding."

"I'm not kidding, are you kidding?"

"I'm not!"

You stare at him for a moment, and he stares back. You search for any sign of facade or fraud, but you're left with your beaming roommate who stares back at you, a smile slowly growing on his lips. It's inevitable, the handful of laughter you both erupt into.

Falling into his arms, you both welcome each other in a warm embrace, your arms wrapping around his abdomen as you tuck your head into his shoulder, hot breaths fanning his neck as you let out another string of light laughter with him.

Renjun supposes he owes that guy tonight-- whatever his name was, he can't care enough to remember-- a thank you, and a good punch in his stupid, stupid face.

© hirokari, 2023

[anxious-witch]

What a year, huh? We all know I have to be emotional on tumblr.com whenever the opportunity arises because that's one way I allow myself to have an emotional catharsis (for legal reasons this a joke)

In all seriousness though, this year has been a lot for me. Both in a good and bad sense, but Käärijä and Joker Out improved it significantly. And more importantly, their fandoms. (More inder the cut bc this is long af)

I have never really been someone who knows anything about the artists' whose music I listened to. Before this, I don't think I ever listened to a full album of someone, just random songs that I liked. Finding stuff from personal life of bands/musicians I liked usually made me depressed so I didn't bother.

Then, ESC 2023. happened. I frankly have no idea what flipped the switch in my head. Bojere interactions? The way people on tumblr were so welcoming even back when I was mostly posting about Let 3 and Käärijä only? I don't know, I only know that we are here now, regardless.

Another thing about me is that I used to be very pessimistic person. Likez genuinely. I have been "unofficially"(long story) diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 11, which is over a decade now. I always had a lot of bad experiences with people and really awful trust issues. I have been doing better for some time now, but it is very hard to let go of the feeling of pessimism and helplessness. In a world where awful things happen every second, what can I possibly do that would change anything?

Then ESC happened. Käärijä lost and I thought "another injustice that will never be corrected". Except, instead of feeling defeated, everyone just loved him more. In those weeks after and later on months, all I have seen had been unrelenting love and acceptance of Jere. Reminding him that despite not winning Eurovision, he is our winner and we'll forever think of him as such. Jere who has a wonderfully belly and strong thighs and is short and by no means is he conventional in any sense. And people loved him not despite all that but because all that. Because we all found ways to relate to him, or to what he went through.

His story of almost dying and still getting where he did only served to highlight that more. Because of he did it, why can't we get to what we want? Why can't I? It shifted my whole perspective.

Then, Joker Out. It is so, so funny to me how I barely paid any attention to them during ESC, except for bojere interactions and was dragged in it by the shared fandom, when now I post most about them.

But yes, JO. A band from Slovenia that while tehnically isn't Balkan, felt so close to me. Like they could understand all the things I kept to myself because of where I was. And then they showed me there is still hope.

I have never seen a band from around here take a pride flag on the stage. Never. I know it's a thing, especially abroad, but God I have never seen that happen here. And with how much love they always took it! That's...wow. It gave me hope that not only is it possible for injustices to be corrected, but that ot's possible to do it even in the environment I'm in.

And then...the Virtual Letters Project happened. Or well positive confessions that @spockowhales turned into Virtual Letters Project.

That's when I knew it's truly possible. I have seen tumblr posts, yes. But getting stuff so directly addressed about or to JO made me realize how much of a "wave" they all created. So many people said they helped them with their depression, with viewing their world differentky with meeting new peoplez with daring to do something new.

I have no words to describe how much that meant to me and I really hope that when they read those letters, they understood the impact they had.

But even that aside, I want to thank everyone in this fandom. People I have talked to, people I have interacted with it any way, through replies, reblogs, likes, anon asks. I appreciate every single one of you for helping create such a wonderful space. We had our ups and downs in the fandom, but we are all here because we love these fandoms, these people so much to keep talking about it even months after.

Thank you and I wish everyone here a wonderful New Year with even more laugh, love and positivity ❤️ have a good one

[britcision]

Anyway in case anyone was wondering why I do firmly aver I did not get to DPxDC from DC and am not a DC fan despite having consumed all of the Harley Quinn and Suicide Squad runs up to 2018

(And have an exciting grab bag of shows, movies, and assorted trivia under my belt besides

Batman vs Dracula was fucking great fight me)

It’s because DC as a whole is hostile as fuck to the concept of being a casual fan

(And about 90% of the main heroes annoy the hell out of me for the very tropes that DC is known and praised for in their heroes I am here for villains, antiheroes, and sidekicks exclusively)

There is no such thing as consistent characterization, especially as you consume more content or fall down a rabbit hole, and the rabbit holes are ENDLESS

Everyone cameos everywhere else, referential jokes are often dropped in as Easter eggs for people who have read every single other DC comic put out in the same decade and yet within the same comics you get glaringly inconsistent characterization and different retcons for the same events

Big stories are retold and retconned every couple years, we got 3 separate Spiderman origin movies and the exact same Batman origin in more than half the live action movies; DC PAYS PEOPLE to make up their own different versions of canon events

There is a REASON that the Marvel and DC cinematic universes are both officially divorced from comic canon; the sheer volume of canon content is inaccessible to most of the population, and DC and Marvel know it

That’s why the New 52 was a big divorce from all previous canon too - it’s an on ramp for new fans, because sorting through the web of old content is off putting as fuck

It’s the one thing not a single DC fan I’ve spoken to who complained about “canon characterization” has bothered defending or even acknowledging, and yet it has been the core of all of their arguments:

“Canon is what I want it to be, not what any of the sources say”

And listen, I was a Torchwood fan, we were the archetypal example of “canon only happened if I acknowledge it” (so sad that show ended after only two seasons and nothing else ever happened again Children of Earth who), you just gotta acknowledge that that’s what you’re doing

But you frankly cannot have a serious conversation about canon characterization with someone who does not acknowledge entire swaths of canon and cannot understand why that makes their argument completely invalid

Any kind of conversation about the “right” characterization for a DC character necessarily has to involve the acknowledgement that it’s your personal preferred characterization, not a One True Canon, because I guarantee there are canon incidents for every single big name and most of the small ones that directly counter the ones you like

You may note I share a bunch of posts with things like “My Batman would never do this”, as opposed to “canon Batman would never do this”

Hell, on Batman specifically there are hundreds of beautifully put together posts talking about how the different canon runs get him wrong; I too prefer a Bruce Wayne who does genuinely care about his family and tries to protect them, but isn’t perfect or always right over the massive asshole elitist who just grunts and treats them like soldiers

Canon Batman slaps his kids around, it’s the meme that broke containment and you don’t have to like it or accept it as something your Batman would do!

But it’s still canon

Both versions have a massive well of canon support, and exist simultaneously in the multiverse

Every single characterization of a character is true and exists in the multiverse

And that is why the idea of a “canon version” of any DC character is utterly meaningless

TL;DR: write DC characters however the fuck you want and do not worry about it for more than 10 minutes together, that is what the paid DC writing staff do

There will be at least two pieces of canon media to back up whatever interpretation of the character you pick

Not everyone will like that characterization or agree with how you see the character, and that is all fine and good! But “canon” is meaningless in this context, neatly encapsulated by the “multiverse” explanation

Everything is canon, which means that nothing is canon

[crystallinestars]

Hello again, it's been a while! (since the last rants after the homophobia thing haha) I just wanted to send you and all the previous anons much love and support! I also hope that all these discussions will be seen as the humble brainstorming / sharing of experiences and ideas that they are.

As for all that was discussed before (loved the rants btw), I've said it before and I'll say it again: many people don't see stories as carefully woven threads / creative tools made by humans, they see it as tropes and mirrors. I feel like at some point experiencing stories has stopped being about "how do these things connect and what kind of interpretations can you draw from the source?" to become "what does this story says about / how can I make this story about me, myself & I?". And it doesn't help that this take echos one of the most common (but also very cliché ngl) thing that can be said about what a story is (I think we've all heard something like "stories help us learn things about ourselves").

If we go from there, what can you say to someone who sees their reflection in a story without looking or sounding like the "bad guy"? After all, how dare others question one's identity? Surely they must be some kind of puritan evil and a "x-phobe"!

I saw discussions on Twitter saying a few years ago that some people have cannibalized "leftist" jargons so much that they end up sounding like the very conservative they're trying to push back against and now "social justice" in many communities (esp in fandoms) is used as a weapon to police what everyone does in their corner, even if they're not bothering anyone else. It's too bad imo that in the court of social justice and its jargon, bullying and harrassment aren't treated as serious offenses, but I digress 🤷🏻‍♀️

Going back to the "people love tropes" thing, while I find it sad that it often seems they do not see anything beyond these tropes, a huge part of the blame definitely lies with the creators / companies providing this content. I agree with you 1000% that Mihoyo knew what they were doing with Alhaitham and Kaveh, what with how popular the phrase "and they were roommates!" has become. This is also why I hate when fandoms tell people like the bi anon for example that they should just "find other people like them in the community <3", because it essentially means "go be a killjoy somewhere else and spend your time dodging the content you don't want to see". I'm also not a big fan of popular fandom activties (shipping being at the top of the list, even if technically I don't mind hearing people talk about their hcs and interpretations, so long as they do it respectfully) so I understand how restrictive the experience can be.

And finally, the Kaveh situation. Both you and the anon made great points and frankly? Thank you so much for addressing all these things! Nothing irks me more than people going "omg x behaviour / outfit is SOO gay". I know it's supposed to be a facetious little joke originally and I'm also not here to bring justice to the pixels, but after hearing this so many times I'm starting to believe that many people genuinely think that you can identify a person's orientation just by looking at them. What happened to "traditional / straight men should embrace their 'femenine' side"? Idk, I think about this a lot and I've yet to truly gather my thoughts on the subject, but I do feel like this way of going about these things is a slippery slope leading straight into stereotyping territory.

Also, I feel you both when you say you don't think kavetham is a viable ship. It's of course a matter of taste and people are definitely allowed to play with different dynamics (healthy or not). I just think it's also a case of latching onto a trope (opposites attract maybe) and rolling with it. I've been friends with people whose personalities were drastically different from mine, and while it was fulfilling because we were constantly challenged by each other, let me tell you that this constant was also EXHAUSTING, to the point that it sometimes felt like having to walk on eggshells to keep the balance stable. So yeah, while I can see the appeal in a ship like kavetham, I'm not a fan. I could enjoy it if people focused more on the fragility and vulnerability that such a relationship can create, but alas. I suppose top/bottom discouse brings much more instant gratification.

Anyway, I think the girlies here (and all those who wish to join) should form an alliance and keep doing their things away from the drama. I'm really glad that your blog is a safe space to vent and talk about these things 💜

Glad to see you again, Anon! 💚

I never imagined that stating I'm not into BL in my bio would spark so much discussion on the topic of modern fandom culture. Not that I mind since I enjoy talking about these things, but it does make me wonder if there should be a dedicated space for it so everyone can talk about it together. In the meantime, I am more than happy to be a safe space for others to vent their frustrations and share their opinions on the topic 😊

We talked before about how people project themselves onto stories and characters, and you also made a really good addition to this that I haven't thought of before. It does seem like people stopped interpreting stories for their message/idea, and are now using it as a way to validate themselves instead. It makes me wonder what it is about modern Western culture that's pushing people to project so heavily onto entertainment media.

I won't comment too much on political jargon since I am not American, and oftentimes struggle to understand American politics. One thing I have noticed, though, is that a lot of Americans view everything around them through a political lens, even when said thing or person has nothing to do with politics. They jump to conclusions about where on the political spectrum said thing or person lies based on whether it aligns with their views, and then judge it to be either good or bad. No in-between.

And I also agree that the social justice camp has done a 180, and went from promoting equality and acceptance, to now policing everyone who doesn't adhere to their strict views of what is morally correct. It has led to a rejection of equality. I also wonder why these people feel the need to police everyone around them. Are they trying to make up for something deep down?

I am also very thankful to the anon for opening discussion on the issue of people assuming character sexuality based on physical attributes or behaviors. As we talked at length prior, the term "coding" is being thrown around everywhere to justify people's headcanons about characters. We've gone past sliding down the slope of stereotyping, because I've seen people use stereotypes to describe characters, and parade them as proof that the character is gay-coded.

For example, I saw someone say Kaveh is gay-coded because he whines and complains a lot, dresses feminine, and shows no interest in women (Said person also said a lot of other WILD things to try and defend their point. It was one of the most surreal conversations I've ever had). Some of this stereotyping started out as a joke, as you said, but lately it doesn't feel like a joke anymore.

Glad you are also of the opinion that Kaveh and Haitham wouldn't make a good romantic couple! Every time I see someone compile a list of how they're designed as a pair, and therefore meant to be lovers, I want to write a list stating why their personalities wouldn't make them work. Or if they do start dating, then why it would inevitably fall apart. But I digress.

I feel you when you say you've been friends with someone who is your polar opposite, and how difficult it can be. Though I wouldn't even call us friends because we are just too different to understand each other's point of view. It's frustrating and exhausting, for sure, which is why I commend you for being able to keep a friendship going.

Sorry for writing so much. I thought I would write less, but somehow I never can.

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us! It's definitely encouraging and vindicating knowing there are others who share our views out there.

[daybreakrising]

okay, quest thoughts under the cut, but again, i'm not really saying anything other people on my dash haven't already said-

i'm gonna get the negatives out of the way first, bc i like to end things on a positive note. i promise you, i do have positive things to say, but-

genshin peaked at fontaine. i'm sorry, maybe there's a little bias involved there, but i genuinely believe that. i'd accept an argument for sumeru to be included too - the storytelling in both of those regions was amazing.

nothing in this story has grabbed me the way fontaine's did. i had zero emotional connection to any of the characters, most of whom i found to be severely lacking in any distinctive personalities beyond surface level traits. i just had no reason to care about them except that the story was basically telling me to, which... is very bad storytelling. if you want me to care about these people and their stories, then give me a reason to, show me why i should be invested in them and their stories. i had more emotional connection to the saurians than the people. as for the archon... listen, i may not have found raiden all that interesting, personally (in comparison to other archons, that is), but i could still connect with her and her story. mavuika? eh. i'm sorry, but she's just boring to me. yes, she's kind, she's strong, but is that... it ?? for her personality ??? and sure, it's sad that she said goodbye to her family so she could come back in 500 years but to me that's nothing compared to the sacrifices or the losses that other archons have faced. in my tier list of archons, she's at the very bottom with no competition. we'll see if her story quest changes anything, but based solely on what we get in the archo quest? i just don't care. i know some people love her but for me there's just not enough there to care about.

and the story itself... is boring. the idea behind it is interesting, some of the execution of it has been fantastic, but as an overall plot... ehhh. being force-fed "friendship is magic" themes over and over, the constant introduction of frankly pointless interludes that add nothing to the plot, the pacing of the story itself... it made me tune out and skip dialogue (by this i mean: i read the subtitles and skipped the voiced lines once i was done) and it felt like such a drag to get through. i saw this last act described as a 'slog' and honestly.... that's so accurate. it was.

that first half didn't need to be included, or if they had to shove it in there, why wasn't it part of the equally pointless (and very short) interlude quest last patch? it would have made more sense to have the 'post-war downtime' elements in the interlude so you can start off the final act with the actual action. i know i began playing when i was already exhausted, but it isn't the first time i've picked up an archon quest on little to no sleep and i've never before had to put down the controller and take a break because i was bored. nothing pulled me in, nothing gave me the motivation or the drive to finish it (or at least get as far as i could before i had to cave to exhaustion). i literally got to the point of "wait 2 more days" (again) and went: i cannot be fucking bothered with this. it honestly felt like a means of 'padding out' the story for the sake of content, and just frustrated me because i wanted to get to the point of the plot.

side note: i'm getting so tired of the constant "wait x amount of days" quest objectives. you can show the passing of time with a simply cutscene, or even just one of those black screens with text genshin likes to throw at us a lot. that and the "walk three steps, cutscene, walk two steps, cutscene, walk-" elements that are prevalent throughout hyv games but seem to be more frequent in current storylines are just... killing it for me. it's unnecessary and interrupts the pacing of the plot too much.

i have many issues with the storytelling in this region, some i've talked about before, some other people have put into finer words than i can produce right now, but it does come down to: there's no conflict, there's no real consequence, and it's not real enough. "but lauri, 2000 people died in this quest, how is that not a consequence?" - this is one of the positives i have about natlan because yes, we see actual consequence of war but at the same time... that's it. we get one act with consequences and then magically the world is all back to normal. i saw a video that touched on this exact issue: during that act, we saw the region torn apart and contaminated by the abyss, we saw people and saurians dead or dying - but then once we complete that part of the story, there's no follow-up (i do not count that pathetic interlude. it had promise and it failed to deliver imo) - and to prove this isn't entirely based on bias, fontaine did have the same problem. there was a huge ass flood and other than poisson, nowhere needed rebuilding?? there was no lasting damage??? genshin pls we know you can alter the state of the world around us - do better. and as much as i hated the trope of 'dead sister = awakened power', we should have seen more of how that affected chasca after it happened. instead, we got a few lines of dialogue and that was it. and idk if it's gonna come up again in a later quest of some kind but her whole "tainted by the abyss" deal just... never became relevant outside of her briefly losing control in her grief. i honestly expected that to play a part in the archon quest somehow and it... didn't.

because there's no conflict. & i'm not referring to the actual physical conflict of war, but conflict between characters, between elements of the plot, etc. everyone is just perfectly happy buddies that all magically get along and that is just.... not real at all. even when people band together against a common enemy, join forces to fight for their people and their home, you're not going to magically work together perfectly. there will be clashes, opposing opinions on how to move forward, etc. if there's conflict between characters, it makes it more meaningful when they do come together and fight for a common cause, it makes the victory even more impactful because of it. instead it just felt... empty. lacklustre.

i have never before finished an archon quest's story and gone: is that it? i did with this one.

i've rambled enough about the negatives so i'll close on one final thing regarding capitano and his story: there wasn't enough of it. there wasn't enough of him. again, other people have already touched on this with far more eloquence than i can muster at this moment, but as one of the only genuinely interesting characters in this quest, i was very disappointed that he was just... nowhere to be seen until the very end. 'but he didn't have an ancient name, he couldn't help with the final fight' - so wtf was he doing while it went on then? idk man i just think they could have showcased him a little more, especially since he's the first harbinger.

and now for the positives!

natlan as a region has a lot going for it from my perspective. i love the landscape, i love the saurians, i love the music (though it doesn't always fit the tone of the scenes happening in some of the quests), i love the different tribes and the culture of natlan as a whole. i may not like some of the playable character designs but some of the npc designs are fire (pun intended). the lore is fantastic too, and i've really enjoyed the world quests (which makes me sad they aren't voiced, bc i prefer them to the archon quest in this instance)

capitano saying a big fuck you to the lord of death was *chef's kiss*. i'm sad that his character has essentially come to a close now, but it was definitely clearly leading to that and it is a very fitting end to him. i loved that he was nothing like anyone really expected him to be & he's definitely up there amongst my favourite harbingers. the fact he asked to removed from the mission to collect the gnosis was a nice touch - further establishing the honour he upheld (i'm also curious who will be sent instead - given the new area incoming, perhaps dottore again? it's a shame the one i want to see the most canonically doesn't leave snezhnaya-)

and i didn't hate the story entirely, don't get me wrong. i know i've complained a lot about many elements, but that's only because i know they can do better. and some of the small things - vichama's sub-plot & the fact he does eventually get to reunite with his friend at last, people you've helped in the tribes or in world quests coming to your aid, etc - were very nicely done. it had such a good premise that was simply let down by bad storytelling and a lack of investment into making the main characters interesting enough and important enough for you to care about what happens to them. and i'm sure not everyone will feel that way - people will connect to characters for a multitude of reasons and that's very valid, but for me i just. i needed more.

i enjoyed it, but i enjoyed it in the way i enjoy a book with a plot that sounded promising but didn't quite hit the mark: i finished it, but it's not going to a memorable story that i'll come back to. it's gonna sit on the shelf next to inazuma and gather dust, whilst fontaine gets taken down and experienced again and again.

i can only hope snezhnaya brings it back around

[of-solitude-past-and-present]

YOUR WRITING>>>>>

I don't know how you came up with Naga Scaramouche but I've been brain rotting for days now 😩

Do you have any ideas how'd he'd react if someone goes out of their way to look for reader after they disappeared?

Especially if they mightve been a love interest at some point or the person clearly has feelings for them 👀

(referring to this)

A friend of mine actually came up with the idea for naga scara!! Together, we fleshed out the plot. It wasn't originally a fic, though, it was just a rp that got me brainrotting afterwards. I couldn't stop thinking about the whole concept until I finished writing Hidden in the Sands. The fic literally wouldn't leave me alone unless I was working on it LMAO

I'm going to take this as an excuse to talk a bit about the behind the scenes here (you have NO idea how much I've wanted to infodump about this fic)–originally, the reader was actually my friend's interpretation of Lumine and Sanad was originally my Alhaitham. I also played the part of Kuni himself. It was a bit awkward, actually, because Alhaitham and Kuni had to talk to each other a little bit and it felt like I was talking to myself.

I've changed the personalities of the reader and Sanad greatly, as you might have already guessed, since Sanad behaves nothing like Alhaitham; Sanad's more like one of those "prime examples" that Alhaitham talks about when he says, "Book learning alone is not enough to cultivate intelligence." Sanad is, intentionally, a very flawed but still reasonably likeable character. I want to talk about him too. Oh boy, looking back on this I sure did talk a lot about an OC I don't think anyone genuinely cares about.

I wanted to make him come off as normal, like an actual human person. He really is just a regular dude, he's just been kinda brainwashed by the Akademiya, as shown by the lines, "The Akademiya has declared them to be just baseless nonsense, so of course I don't think they actually exist." and "Desert dwellers tend to be... fearless." He's absorbed many commonly held beliefs (and biases) in the Akademiya, a textbook example of someone who's been taught what to think rather than how to think. I wanted him to be realistic. However, he's still funny, charming, and overall good-willed, even if he's spineless and very easily led.

I've greatly changed the fic from the original rp, and only the base premise (yandere!naga!scara and the whole "commissioned to find the culprit for some strange murders in the Hadramaveth") remains the same. It went through several versions at first. In fact, before I came up with Sanad, I was going to have Cyno replace Alhaitham! But ultimately, I realized Cyno was actually competent and I might have had to write a proper fight scene, which I did not want to do. You can still see a remnant of the first draft I chose to leave in (from when Cyno was the disposable companion) in the bad joke Sanad tells at the beginning of the story.

Using Sanad also had other benefits that I feel helped pull the fic together!! His cowardly nature gave reader a chance to endear themselves to Kunikuzushi, for refusing to abandon Sanad even after he (frankly, understandably) ran away. Even this early on, I had decided that whatever backstory naga Kuni might have had, it absolutely had to revolve around betrayal since canon Kuni's backstory is so deeply tied to it.

It's a really minor pet peeve of mine, and it doesn't bother me too much, but I usually don't really like it when the yandere starts to fixate on the object of their obsession for no reason than, like, "love at first sight" or "they simply caught my eye for some vague reason I cannot put into words." It's not bad, per se, and it's not even a solid rule of mine! I can think of several fics I love that don't give a solid reason, though the characters in those have such a dynamic that you still understand why one became so interested in the other to begin with... (I'm making this more complicated than it is, I think, but I'm beginning to think it's just I just don't care for it when the MC has the depth of a piece of paper.) Anyway, I'm getting derailed again, but I chose to give Kuni a reason to empathize with the reader in the form of Sanad and his "betrayal" because of this preference of mine.

However, and I think I've touched on this a bit in a previous post, this wasn't the only reason Kuni decided to spare them. In fact, even after he decided to leave you for last, he still thought he was going to come back to kill you. What really interested him was your insistence on saving Sanad even after what Kuni perceived as a betrayal. Why would you try to help someone who didn't even make an attempt to help you? It doesn't make sense. You're too soft, it's endearing.

Whether or not Sanad's actions are justified is debatable, though I personally understand them. He's never fought in his whole life. If you, the experienced monster-fighting adventurer couldn't do it, how could he? He doesn't even have a sword. It's certainly cowardly and rude to say the least, but given the circumstances, I think it's the choice most people would make in that situation. Of course, it's absolutely something Kunikuzushi could have (and did) twist into something completely different. I think I made it pretty obvious, but contrary to what Kuni said, Sanad had no such malicious thoughts when he left you there. Kuni is extremely jaded; his perception of the world has been mostly shaped by the betrayals he's experienced, and he's no different in this AU. As I said before, Sanad's not a terrible person, just terribly average. If he had survived, he absolutely would have had survivors' guilt.

Anyway!!! I'm not sorry about the infodump, thank you for giving me the slightest reason to tell you all about it. Here's what you actually asked for.

Kuni views most people as inconsequential, little more than helpless ants. He doesn't care about them in the slightest. If anything, they irritate him. So when someone shows up–an old friend, a crush, anyone–his first thought is to get rid of them if they venture too far in, and especially if they see him. Even if he doesn't know that they know you. If he lets them go, more will come. If he finds out they're looking for you, specifically... well, it doesn't really change his plans. He's going to kill them no matter what.

It does motivate him though, to be a bit crueler, to make it last a bit longer. What they are to you doesn't change the outcome, but it might sour his mood a bit more if they were anything more than friends or family. It's not likely that he'll leave them be long enough to find this out, though. Logically speaking, they're probably not going to tell a monster like him all about the friend/family/crush they're looking for in this desert, especially not when he's clearly unfriendly.

It's not totally impossible, though. This hypothetical person would have heard all about the strange attacks (as mentioned in the fic), so seeing a large half-snake person could make them realize that Kuni was most likely the cause for your disappearance (even though they'd assume it was murder and not kidnapping). Even so, I doubt they'd have a little chat over tea about who all Kuni has murdered recently.

Anyway, I digress. Assuming he figures it out somehow, whether or not he tells you about them depends on his mood and your behavior. Unfortunately for you, dealing with people irritates him. Especially when they're specifically looking to take what's his from him.

He'll come back covered in blood either way, but if he's in a bad mood, or you haven't been on your best behavior, he'll tell you all about what they looked like. He makes sure to mention that they were looking for you, and describe in detail everything he did to them.

"I'm going to leave his corpse out to rot in the sun," he hissed into your ear, pulling away to look you in the eye, "for the vultures and serpents to feast on. It serves him right. He was on a fool's errand; it's impossible to retrieve what's lost to the sands."

[narniangirl1994]

While I think the 'thank you' and 'fuck you' speech Ted gave his mom worked in the context of their relationship - seeing as he was thanking her for the loving and supporting things she did over the years while expressing his hurt over the other ways in which she hurt him, I do NOT think it worked in the context of Jamie and his dad.

Jamie saying he'd want to say both fuck you and thank you to his own dad - likely because he believes his dad's abuse is what gave him the drive to succeed in football - might make sense for his character to feel, but should not have been backed up by the narrative like it was.

Between Ted's line last season about successful people often having dads who were hard on them and the bits in this episode of Jamie forgiving and reaching out to his dad, the narrative genuinely seems to be saying the abuse Jamie experienced helped make him the athlete he is today.

And that interpretation really bothers me. Especially because you see it in other shows and real life.

Just like the line "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," a lot of people seem to think hardship and abuse makes people stronger/more motivated. But in reality, abuse tends to hinder people on their life journey - not the other way around - by making them more scared/anxious, doubtful, sad, blinded by anger, isolated, etc.

Take it from someone with perfectionism that stems in part from my own childhood experiences and anxiety, I think that has caused me more issues than it has helped me over the years. Even though I've always been decently 'successful' at certain things (ie: school, work), I really wonder if I could have actually accomplished more - or at least accomplished the same things without the extra struggles/stress - if I wasn't constantly worried about having to be perfect.

Jamie being a prick to his teammates (because he felt like he needed to be tough to get his dad off his back) was even shown to be detrimental to his team's success and his individual success as a player. And Jamie's fear over his father's presence and criticism both at Wembley and at the Manchester City stadiums were shown to make him more distracted and prone to errors.

It was once Jamie started working with his teammates, accepting guidance from others, and receiving their unconditional support, that he grew and improved as a player. Hence why this was the first year he made the national team. He's got plenty of talent and it's quite possible he would have had the drive, just from something else, if his dad didn't abuse him. I could easily see a desire to play alongside his hero (Roy) or make his hometown proud serving as helpful motivators for him growing up.

But even if Jamie WAS a worse player or never got this far without his dad's abuse motivating him...who cares? You can't tell me he wouldn't have been a much happier, healthier person without that abuse in his life. So the idea so many narratives and real life people push that there is a silver lining to abuse or that abuse is solely responsible for someone's success is a harmful one that seems to imply abuse is worth it in a way or that abuse victims should be grateful for the good that came out of it.

It's one thing to want to thank a complicated parent for the good that they did bring to your life even if they also brought some bad. But it's an entirely separate thing to thank a complicated parent specifically for the objectively terrible things they did to you, just because it may or may not (most likely did not) have the side effect of making you more successful.

I really wish writers would put a little more thought into narratives that would seem to support this idea. It just really takes away from so many other positive - or frankly more realistic - messages they could go with instead.

[widevibratobitch]

Hi! It's me, the rant anon again. I wanted to ask about two things:

1. What was the drama with opera bracket? I've only heard legends but nothing certain.

2. Who is your favourite living opera singer? And what do you think of Diana Damrau, Rolando Villazon and Dimitri Chrostovsky?

Sorry if I'm bothering you with questions. Love, S

hiiiiii anon dear <3

1. WELL. long story short: basically it was just an innocent poll contest that got a little heated and split operablr in two. some people "took it too seriously", some not seriously enough perhaps, which resulted in a wild vagueposting storm from both sides, some blocks, some frankly hilarious memes, and finally ended with a beautiful callout post (happy anniversary btw, it was exactly one year ago <3) and the most mediocre opera of all time ultimately winning.

2. now that is a complicated question since there are opera singers nowadays whom i have a lot of very indulgent fondness for even though i personally think they don't sing that well at all (some of them genuinely sing Very Badly lol). there are also some that actually sing quite well but i just cannot fucking stand them alas.

from the ones who are alive and still active, I'd say Saioa Hernandez is worth checking out, god knows she has her issues, she's been becoming more and more wobbly these last few years and just lacks the idk. grace? in her singing but damn is she loud + i don't know of any other soprano (OR mezzo for that matter) who uses her chest voice this freely and audaciously in the very old school fashion that's been steadily disappearing since about mid 20th century to the point where it's near nonexistent nowadays (and I'm a bit of a chest voice fanatic fyi). to me she's akin to Alessandro Moreschi aka the last and only castrato we actually have a (wax cylinder actually, ha!) recording of - basically, you can tell the technique and execution is not quite it, but with their singing we at least get the idea of what it Could have sounded like.

Damrau - absolute fucking wreck of a singer, im sorry but she's a disaster. i get physically tired just listening to her. totally inaudible live too. i do enjoy her totally over the top acting sometimes tho lol

Villazon is I'd say somewhat self explanatory. He completely ruined whatever voice he had and is now singing as a baritone if i recall correctly? Good technique doesn't do that to a singer. Don't hate him tho, he seems like a very sillygoofy dude and i remember him being somewhat entertaining.

Hvorostovsky, ah yes, certified operablr sexyman. He started out really, really good and kept like that for a while, went downhill from there but I do acknowledge his severe health problems. I get where people obsessed with him are coming from and I have a lot of respect for him. he just never quite did it for me, we never really vibed, sorry. Definitely a solid artist tho.

so. definitely not bothering me! quite the opposite actually! i love talking into the void about things im passionate about and sorry if i sound like a pretentious big-headed cunt, that's probably because i am just that, peace and love <3 totally seriously tho, thank you for asking!